I am 5 days from my 39th birthday and reflecting on this last year of my 30s. I am excited about what’s to come. Before I get into that, though, I want to share what has happened over the last ten years.
Ten years ago, I spent my first night in an apartment I had gotten when I separated from my then-husband. My three kids, who at the time were 8, 6, and 4, and I were in this brand-new place of solitude and peace. I had no idea how I would afford the rent, but I knew I felt a calm I hadn’t in a very long time. I was just about to turn 29, and I was thinking about how I would make the next decade of my life about adventure, growth, self-reflection, and peace.
The first few months are foggy. I was getting my bearing on the new life I had started and learned what I liked now that I had a couple of weekends free to be just April. I created a bucket list of things I wanted to do that I was always too scared to try. I started small, like adventuring to movies by myself, then dinner, and then whole days of exploring. I learned that I loved coffee shops, museums, and big cities. I forced myself to talk to strangers on the elevators and converse with patrons at the coffee shops. I started adding bigger things to my list, like tubing behind a boat(I know it sounds pathetic), sky diving, going on a medical missions trip, joining a soccer team and traveling to see as much as possible.
I felt my confidence growing by the day. I started to date, and even though my heart was still so closed off, I had so much fun meeting new people and hearing their life stories. I started going back to school to work towards my bachelor’s degree. Something that always seemed just out of reach, but I knew I had to get there somehow.
I met one of my closest friends just a year after getting my place and six months after my divorce was final. She also had three small kids and was getting divorced as well. Our friendship grew slowly and fast all at once. We bonded over the craziness of having three kids, being single moms with two baby daddies, and having a love of adventure. I didn’t know my soul needed her, but I am forever grateful that my mom introduced us. I could not have done those early days without her.
Single mom life is incredibly lonely. You are:
- The mom.
- The chef.
- The house cleaner.
- The homework helper.
- The bill payer.
- The bedtime storyteller.
- The disciplinarian.
There is no tap-out when you are the only parent. When you lay your head on your pillow at night, there is no one there to hear your pain, to tell you everything is alright, and to hug you tight. That is where a bestie going through the same trenches as you are, is lifegiving. She was my life raft as much as I was hers. The late-night phone calls, the cheers to push you forward, and someone telling you you are doing a good job.
As the years went on, life continued to get better. I learned to love myself, my kids were getting older, and I crept closer to graduating. In 2016 I decided it was time to relocate to East Lansing. My kids were to the point I didn’t need a sitter, and I was ready for a change. Eaton Rapids had never felt like home; in a way, I felt stifled there. 2016 was a great year. I had my first girls’ trip, which will be impossible ever to forget; I had started a new job and found a great place to live, and my kids were starting a new school that would open them to new experiences.
That move was the first time that I had decided something like that entirely on my own. New city, new job all in the same summer. It was empowering. Every decision you make is a step in building a foundation of trusting yourself. There were times that I doubted myself. The move was hard on my kids, especially Emma. I had never planned on moving them, but life had other plans. I am so thankful for that move. My kids experienced diversity, had opportunities for learning that they may not have had, and they made some great friendships.
I continued to date throughout this period, but nobody stuck for the most part; that was my doing. I was broken in trusting myself and the ability to pick the right person. I was terrified of commitment. I thought that if I ever committed to someone again, I would lose who I was. I knew that, at some point, I would be ready and that all I needed was to continue to live life the best I could.
2017 I reached a goal that I thought was forever out of reach. I graduated college with my bachelor’s. Outside of my kids, that is one of the proudest moments of my life. I also started working for Generosity Feeds on my kid-free weekends. That opportunity opened the world of travel. That was a love affair that lasted right up to Feb of 2020 when Covid changed everything. The people I met, the places I saw, and the good I could do were lifegiving.
2018 is when I had my first relationship, and while it was short-lived, I learned a lot from that. I knew you can’t always see your shortcomings, what you need from someone, and the traumas you still carry until you have someone to help pull that out of you. I learned a lot from that relationship, and it prepared me for my future relationship. I also found God this year. I knew that he was out there, but I never really felt close to him. I discovered City Life and that led to getting baptized in 2019. I never saw that for myself, and it was an emotional experience that I will never forget.
2020 was a whirlwind for me, as it was for everyone. I had always worked full-time, school full-time, or another job. In March 2020, my world came to a complete halt, and I could finally slow down. I was fortunate that I was able to keep my full-time career, but Generosity Feeds stopped. I was now home all day, with no kids activities to which I had to taxi my kids and no travel on the weekends. I didn’t realize how busy I was and how much my kids needed me to slow down. It was nice to spend time with them without the rush of life, but the loss they experienced saddens me, especially Emma. She lost her whole high school experience. My friends and I tried to keep life as normal as possible. The creation of game nights started and helped to ease the pain of life drastically changing.
The Fall of 2020 is when the unexpected happened. Donny and I had our first date on Sept 23rd; the rest is history. We bought a house in 2021. My kids and I had relocated to a new city, and they started a new school. Once again, the move was hard and hardest on Jolie. With all my mom’s intuition, I knew this was a good move for her, but it is so hard to see your child struggle. This new home was the first time my kids and I had roots. I never thought I would want to own a home and be in that commitment, especially in some country town. We are going on our second year here and are all so happy. We love our home, the kids have made some amazing friends, and they got a dog they have wanted for a long time.
A decade is a long time. I have done a lot growing up and experienced pain, sadness, joy, contentment, and love. I have lost three grandparents, traveled all over the country, my oldest child has graduated and moved out, I will soon have both kids in high school, and I got engaged to a guy I love beyond what I ever thought was capable. Reflecting over these last ten years, I am so proud of myself. I know that my past self would be too. I went into my 29th year with hope, optimism, and goals, and I plan to do the same in my 39th year.
I went into my 29th year as a single mom who had no idea where life would take her. All I knew was that I needed to make life great and pursue my goals. In my 39th year, I am going into stability, marrying my best friend, watching my kids grow and leave home, continued growth, and goal chasing. I am so excited to see what this next decade entails. If it is anything like the last, then it’s for sure going to be amazing!
“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain
Xoxo,
April